expectations and such

Okay here comes a very real and honest post. It was a tough one to write so just bear with me and prepare yourselves…

I have officially been volunteering for 4 weeks!

In the past four weeks my experience has not in the least been what I have expected.

Let me rewind and start by saying I love my home church. I have been going to the same church since I was a baby. My mom went to that church, and my grandmother went there before her. It is basically my home away from home. The people at my church are my family. It really is an amazing place. The roles that my church and church family have played in my life are huge. They have shaped me and made me into who I am today.

With that being said, I am well known at church. As I already mentioned, the people from my church are like family.

I am used to being the golden child at church. (Is that a good thing? Idk but it’s who I am and I embrace it.)

Most of my previous ministry work has been with my church. There are a lot of opportunities to serve there. So when I usually do ministry everyone knows who I am. They all love and support me. They trust me with big responsibilities and they know that I will do a good job.

My experiences on Thursday nights are a bit different. I am treated really well and I am shown lots of love, but I am kind of feeling insignificant.

You see they have a regular volunteer on the schedule who does the coffee and guess what… It’s not me.  So I have been collecting dishes, washing dishes, and I do serve the odd coffee when T (the other volunteer) gets tied up doing something else. So I am basically the assistant to the coffee maker.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful to be there but sometimes I just feel like I am just there getting in peoples’ way.

Last week, T wasn’t able to be there so I got to take over for her, so I felt a little bit important. But this week, we had coffee and cups donated from McDonalds. So there were no mugs to wash and I felt so useless.

This is something that I have really been struggling with because I’m a leader. I know I can lead; it’s what I do. I grow from leading and I feel like I do a good job leading. I like to be given a lot of responsibility. Being an assistant to the coffee maker is not something with a lot of responsibility. Not only that, I am also having a tough time seeing how I am going to grow from this ministry experience. I’m trying really hard to see how God can use me while I am feeling like I’m doing nothing important.

I guess it is time to trust God and see where he takes me.

Thanks for reading, 

Em